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Uncle Sam, Forever Straining to Blow His Own Horn

The military of the USA, altogether comprising the most expensive ongoing enterprise in the history of western civilization, is at long last realizing that its legions of thuggish, domestic abusive lackeys are just not enough to spread quantifiable terror across the modern world anymore. Because mullets are more laughable than intimidating. As such, recruiters are turning their attentions to communities with better WiFi, theoretically to find programmable soldiers who can at least read the instructions for which buttons to utilize when droning foreign civilians to bite-sized pieces from thousands of miles away so that American-based millionaires, billionaires and trillionaires can then lay claim to the livelihoods of those foreign families, for themselves. Maybe the more eager recruits are just struggling to pass their ASVAB testing, to degrees so embarrassing that dwindling coaches or army staffers can cover up. Really, GI Joe is looking toward millennial tech consumers and Silicon Valley acolytes, hungry and starving because they’ve stupidly spent everything they have on liberally empowering the very egos keeping them down, to make up for all the self-centered fatties already willing to take up arms against strangers like good god-fearing, rightwing nationalists.

That’s not just a happy coincidence.

Conservatives gladly take up arms against strangers when told such actions are operating from a place of superiority and supremacy, whereas liberals are easily convinced to take up arms against strangers when told that killing strangers can ever under any circumstances make the world a better place. Either way people are getting killed who won’t have it coming, while the same forces still find profit in the twist of fate.

The British military as well, in this same period of time, is launching a variety of recruitment posters, pointedly appealing to those who won’t grasp how snowflakes manifestly favor their own preferences before compassion, how binge gamers emphasize the importance of their trivial distractions due entirely to a lack of real drive, or how phone zombies stare obsessive-compulsively into their portable black mirrors because they are mentally incapable of focusing on anything else in life. Such as how the makers of their portable black mirrors, generally American-based millionaires, billionaires and trillionaires, openly demean them while robbing them blind and giving them cancers. But again, in actuality this is a case of problematic obesity levels among the existing battalions of self-centered British military personnel, grown fattened on their bullied pillaging of innocents and misspending of taxpayer funds.

Another happy coincidence, this desire for malleable stooges too self-serving to care about empathy, but still wet-dreaming for the self-serving resources to physically render themselves entirely useless to all but fast food marketers. Actual leftists are not overweight, because they eat after everyone else has had their fill. So they’d be skinny enough to make any general’s prick grow stiff, if not for the whole “putting the needs of others first doesn’t include the private whims of billionaires or their fascist puppets in governance because whims are categorically not needs” shtick. If knowing is half the battle, then overcoming denial is the other half, because overeating in conjunction with the avoidance of exercise is the only culturally-acceptable form of suicide. It’s also why suicide rates among enlisted servicemen expands year after year. Putting yourselves first is psychological suicide, while putting the whims of billionaires first, like fetishing their byproducts, is physical suicide.

I’m not over-simplifying, I am refusing to make excuses.